Can't pay the bills yet, cause I have no skills yet, the world is a big scary place...

I can't believe the summer went so fast. I can't believe school starts tomorrow. Law school. I've been working towards this since I was in junior high, maybe earlier, so it's not a surprise, exactly. But somehow when I looked ahead to this day, I was... I dunno, much taller. More confident, stuffed with knowledge, an adult ready to gain the full richness of the law and put it to work flawlessly. Taller would help, I think.

I have never, ever been so nervous about starting a new phase of life. Hell, I wasn't this nervous the night before my wedding. Of course, for that occasion it was just a day to dress up and say a few simple things and everyone would cheer for me. That was easy. I'm terrified that I'm going to fuck up this first semester and then it won't even be worth it to go on. I've had bad dreams all week that I missed orientation and they gave my seat away to someone else. Sometimes I find myself literally shaking when I think too hard about it.

It's just stage fright, I know that deep down. It's the way I feel before a debate tournament, or the start of a play. I've never had stage fright for a solid week before, and I don't recommend the experience, but I will live through it. Mike has been fantastic in boosting me up when I start to panic, and Lauren has done a lot to buck me up as well.

I've got my case for tomorrow's mock class highlighted and notationed up so that if I'm called on I will be able to answer questions. I have my ultra-spiffy rolling softside briefcase-cum-laptop case that Melissa gave me, and my first day of school earrings. I even went grocery shopping so I can brown bag a lunch. I've got pens and pencils and highlighters and even four of my books already bought. I'm ready for this. Really.

I just have to convince my jumpy stomach of that and I will be fine. Wish me luck!