Sits on the big gray rocks, takes off her shoes and socks and starts to cry, knowing this may be her

I don't know why I'm still doing this. It's not fun anymore. I remember when I used to love LARP, used to look forward to it all week, used to do downtime until all hours just for the fun of it. Now the fact that there was a LARP ruined my weekend, stressed me out and made me feel brittle and bitchy for two days. When (and if) people say they had fun, I feel that it was in spite of me, rather than because of anything I did. Every time I make a decision, someone's there to argue about it, or to try and counter it from the book, or to just bitch about the ruling. And now I can't even pass them up the chain of command....

I should just let it go. Reid and Sean obviously want to have control of the LARP, they're probably ready for it. Just pick a new ST and step down, and have some weekends to myself. Maybe keep playing, maybe not. I think part of this is my new character, I just don't enjoy her that much. I miss Hannah. It's much harder now, trying to separate OOC from IC knowledge, with a character who is clueless. Monica seems like a watered-down version of Rhiannon, without any of the things that made her fun. But I digress.

I guess now I'm going to go have a bit of drink, like I have after all of the last few LARPs. It doesn't help, but it's good to have traditions. Happy 1999, everyone.