But it won't be the same, without you...

Natalie died yesterday. It was my fault. I don't know exactly what happened, but my current going theory is that I closed the latch on the cage door but didn't slide it home. While I was in class yesterday, Zephyr somehow managed to open the cage door, got in, and grabbed her. She was coming back for seconds when Lauren and Wes got home, and though Jeremy is badly hurt, I think he'll be okay. They found what was left of my little green girl under the bed, and cleaned up and put her in a box.

Everyone has been very kind about it, even the people at the vet we took Jeremy to. Mike and Lauren and Wes have all been very good to me. I don't know what I would've done without them there. It feels like I cried or felt like crying all day. It always seemes like its our favorites that leave us too early. Natalie was my baby, she was the one who'd sit on my shoulder and the one who gave kisses. She was the one who commemorated Mike and my engagement by biting him on the nose. I will miss her very much.

Early this morning, the birds woke up and did their "missing man" call, sending out loud single chirps when they know someone is missing, hoping that the lost bird will find her way back to the flock. Natalie and Jeremy were together almost four years, I wonder how long it will take him to understand. We're getting Zephyr's adoption expedited, she's been with us almost two months and it was time to think about ending the foster anyway. Right now I can barely stand to look at her. I know it's my fault far more than hers, but that doesn't really change anything. If she were really ours I think I could get over it in time, but as a foster, I don't think she's going to get much more socializing here. It's very sad all around.