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So, this will be day six of the new "don't be a slob" diet that I started after the rude destruction of my denial bubble last Tuesday. So far it's going well. I really punished myself the first few days, but I'm getting better now. Lots of vitamins, lots of protein, lots of fruit and veggies. Haven't seen a lot of results yet, but that's to be expected. I didn't exactly pack all this on in a week.
I want to do this better this time. My last major diet was in freshperson year, and I went about it very badly. I didn't have a roommate, or really any good friends, and I was just in a bad place. I decided to low carb, and did nothing but low carb. It was really hard, but I felt so wretched and miserable about myself that I could do it. It's easy to push yourself away from the table when you've mentally abused yourself till your stomach clenches up. I didn't take any vitamins, and I didn't eat any fruits, and I skipped a ton of meals entirely. I ended up sleeping through a really significant portion of winter term. Lost some weight, though. Eventually, I realized that I was going to fail my classes if I didn't change something, and I didn't feel any better about myself, anyhow. I got some books on fat-positivism that helped me at least not feel so poisonously negative about my body. Then I went into serious backlash, and refused to diet or to even discuss it with my parents for three years. I'd been dieting almost steadily since I was in seventh grade, when I went on Jenny Craig for the first time (I wasn't fifteen yet, so they had to make a special exception for me). I figured I deserved a break.
Well, of course, that had the predictable results, though I at least had a better time in the interim, and managed to concentrate my energies on other interests. But all good things must come to an end, and now it's time to remember all those harsh realities I've been fending off with my denial-bubble. Even now it's kind of discouraging to hear friends who are less than half my weight talk about how chunky they are, and I don't even want to think about the magazines like People and Entertainment Weekly that Dana puts in the bathroom. (I read them for the articles! Honest! =D )) But it doesn't put me in the same bad place that it would have once, so I think I'm ready to do this right. And who knows, maybe I'll need to trade in my wedding dress for one that's a size or two smaller. Hey, a girl can dream...
I want to do this better this time. My last major diet was in freshperson year, and I went about it very badly. I didn't have a roommate, or really any good friends, and I was just in a bad place. I decided to low carb, and did nothing but low carb. It was really hard, but I felt so wretched and miserable about myself that I could do it. It's easy to push yourself away from the table when you've mentally abused yourself till your stomach clenches up. I didn't take any vitamins, and I didn't eat any fruits, and I skipped a ton of meals entirely. I ended up sleeping through a really significant portion of winter term. Lost some weight, though. Eventually, I realized that I was going to fail my classes if I didn't change something, and I didn't feel any better about myself, anyhow. I got some books on fat-positivism that helped me at least not feel so poisonously negative about my body. Then I went into serious backlash, and refused to diet or to even discuss it with my parents for three years. I'd been dieting almost steadily since I was in seventh grade, when I went on Jenny Craig for the first time (I wasn't fifteen yet, so they had to make a special exception for me). I figured I deserved a break.
Well, of course, that had the predictable results, though I at least had a better time in the interim, and managed to concentrate my energies on other interests. But all good things must come to an end, and now it's time to remember all those harsh realities I've been fending off with my denial-bubble. Even now it's kind of discouraging to hear friends who are less than half my weight talk about how chunky they are, and I don't even want to think about the magazines like People and Entertainment Weekly that Dana puts in the bathroom. (I read them for the articles! Honest! =D )) But it doesn't put me in the same bad place that it would have once, so I think I'm ready to do this right. And who knows, maybe I'll need to trade in my wedding dress for one that's a size or two smaller. Hey, a girl can dream...
